Terrible Zombie Jokes

A vampire, a ghost, and a zombie walk into a bar.  Who walks out?

Two vampire zombies and a still very lonely ghost.

Why did the zombies stalk the Abe Lincoln impersonator?

Mmmm, delicious tall braaains…

What type of arithmetic are zombies great at?


How do you beat a zombie in an IQ test?


What do zombies call a group of humans in the morning?


What would a zombie say about artificial intelligence?

Needs salt

What does a zombie nutritionist want to eat? 


What’s a zombie’s favorite sport?


What’s a zombie’s favorite painting?

The Mooooan-a Lisa

What do zombies call a group of hobbits in the late morning?

Second breakfast (or, depending on the time, elevensies)

What’s the most passive aggressive gift you can give a zombie?

A doomsday clock set to 6pm

What do you call a horde of bad zombie jokes?

The apocalypse 

How can you tell if your professor is a zombie?

She licks her lips as she passes back tests. 

Why did the zombie eat the man’s colander?

The man said he had a brain like a sieve.

What’s a zombie ornithologist’s favorite bird?


What do zombies call a group of humans at midday?


How do you know your teacher is a zombie?

Drool spots on the test you aced. 

What do zombies call a group of humans at night?

Midnight snack

What kind of apocalypse is it if everyone stumbles out into the light of day, aimless and moaning?

It’s not an apocalypse the Internet’s just down. 

What’s scarier than a zombie in a clown suit?


What do you call someone who tries to keep all the zombies in his basement?

A horder 

What do zombies and your uncle have in common?

Both can kill you with their breath.

What’s gross and rotten and dead all over?

Not a zombie. They’re gross and rotten and undead all over. 

Which sports team do zombies love most?

The Braaaves

Who’s the zombies favorite pop star?

Rick Astley his career was dead, till it came back as a joke. (Plus he’s never gonna give you up… or let you down…)

Why did the zombie leave the reality show taping?

He misunderstood what Hoarders meant.

Why did the zombie eat a hat?

It thought it found the brains of the outfit

What are a zombie’s favorite kind of pants?

Smarty pants